Death's Wisdom: How a Conversation Changed My Perspective on Loving Life

Why have I not experienced the feeling of being in love with this wonderful life?

Hi everyone! I’m sending you all blessings of heart-healing and peace today. May you feel held in love as you navigate your day. 💖

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For the last eleven years or so, I have led a small group in a year-long process of transformation based on the archetypes and tarot. Every January, we declare what we want to invoke for the year and what we want to release. For 2023, I invoked ‘Comfort’ (which you can read about here) and had such a pleasant experience, I thought about invoking it again for 2024. But my guides insisted I do something else, that it was time for me to go deeper, to really get to the heart of some of the things I struggle with.

They suggested I invoke “being in love with my life.”

I made a face. They’d suggested this before (in fact, it was what I was originally supposed to invoke for 2023 before I chose ‘comfort’ instead.) I’ve always wanted to feel in love with my life, but it’s something that has so far eluded me. I absolutely feel in love with specific parts of my life: for example, my family, all the aspects of Magic that I’m devoted to, natural beauty, cats. And I can even say that I feel in love with the concept of life in general. But my individual life as a whole has tended to feel like something I just need to get through before I can go back home.

Truthfully, this confuses me because my life is pretty much amazing. I have an incredibly loving, stable family. I have enough resources to live comfortably and the most extraordinary friends ever. Why, then, have I not experienced the feeling of being in love with this wonderful life?

There are some possible reasons, of course. For one, I really don’t like physical discomfort and I’ve had a lifetime of chronic migraines (which are MUCH better now! Yay!) as well as illness-related phobias. Also, in my healing work with the dead, I have witnessed tremendous suffering and that probably takes a toll on the way I view Life.

I pondered all of this and then my guides said, “Do you really need to understand it before you can commit to invoking being in love with your life?”

I sighed and decided to trust their guidance. So, for 2024 I chose to invoke ‘being in love with my life’. 

As we enter the second half of the year, I wanted to share my progress with this invocation with you, my dearest readers, in the hope that it might help those of you who are experiencing something similar.

During the first weeks of the year, I went deep with certain archetypes—the Victim and the Child in particular—and I had a powerful shift in perception. I realized that I’d been sitting back, looking at Life, thinking, “Okay, make me fall in love with you.” But that’s not the way love works. 

I was actually rather shocked to learn that I was doing this. I had no idea I’d been treating Life as though it had something to prove to me, that it had to earn my love. Loving my life is something I can choose and keep choosing. I know this, so I had to stop and ask myself, “Why haven’t I made this choice to be in love with my life? What, really, has been holding me back?”

I knew the answers were deeper than my experiences of illness and suffering, that there was a root cause for it all. So I went into liminal space seeking guidance. Rather than my personal spirit guides arriving as I’d expected, it was Death herself who came near to help me sort it out.

In my ancestral healing and psychopomp work, I interact with Death a lot. Still, there are parts of me that often feel sad and confused in her presence. On this particular day, I said to her, “I know you are merciful. I see the beauty of kindness within you. And yet, you are also painful and terrifying. I can’t pretend that you’re not. Enduring the pain of loved ones’ deaths is one of the reasons I think I struggle with being in love with my life.”

Death agreed that this realm can be a hard place to be.

She said, “It’s a special realm, though. For it is only here that we can love in this very unique way, this way based on self and other; and on life and death. It’s true: the more we love, the more we grieve. If you choose to be in love with your own life, you must do so knowing that it will end, that you will experience that grief.”

I replied, “That doesn’t exactly feel reassuring.”

“If you’re looking for reassurance, I can offer some,” Death said. “No one ever dies alone. When it’s time, I am here to carry you home. I’ll carry you into the arms of so many who love you. Another thing you might find reassuring is to know that whenever love is created it is eternal and transcends all dimensions. So whatever love you create in this Life will not be something that dies. You might look at it as though the more you love this Life, the more that love is nourishment for your wholeness.

“Also, it's okay to go slow. You don't have to fall in love with your Life all at once. Think of Life as new lover. Seduce one another. Discover each other's interests. Become fascinated with one another. Learn how to support each other by understanding and fulfilling each other's needs. Linger in the honeymoon phase.”

I smiled at Death. “That does feel reassuring, thank you.”

“When your intention is to be in love with Life, Life will do its best to meet you this way,” Death continued. “But like any lover, Life is not without its challenges. There may be times when it feels like Life has let you down. Or even that it has betrayed you. You may question if you can trust this lover at all. It may make demands of you that you are not prepared to meet. And it may push you beyond the edges of your capacities. Also like any other lover, it will die. There will be grief. And so it is appropriate to ask yourself if it is worthwhile to fall in love with Life.

“If your answer is yes, you might find support in looking towards another relationship in your life to serve as a model for how to love. Perhaps the way you love a parent or a child or a sibling or a pet or a deity or a friend. Not the kind of love that is based on how the other makes you feel about yourself, but love that comes from the deepest core of your most whole self. The kind of love that is generative and based on creation; on devotion instead of neediness or codependency. A love that is rooted in willingness, understanding and forgiveness.

“If it is your true intent to be in love with your Life, know that it is not a linear journey. You will spiral around old patterns. There will be times when you feel distant, withdrawn from this new lover. And times when the stirrings of love you have for Life come on so strong your heart could burst from it. Throughout it all, know that I am always here, witnessing what the two of you are creating together until it is time to carry you home.”

When Death finished speaking, it became clear to me that I’d been holding Life at bay out of an unconscious fear of facing the grief once it ends. Even though I know in some ways it’s eternal, there will be a change. And the more I open to loving this Life, the more I will grieve its end. So I asked myself, as Death instructed: is it worthwhile to fall in love with Life this way?

From the very depths of my entire being, I heard a resounding YES.

This is where I am in this year of being in love with my Life. I’ve made the choice to cultivate this love. It’s both frightening and thrilling, grounding and unsettling. And it just may be some of the most important work I’ve ever done.

To anyone else on this path of being in love with their life, know that you are not alone. Let’s be courageous and open-hearted together.

Blessings and love to all of you! 💖💖💖