Returning to Innocence
It takes willingness and availability to learn something all over again.
I’m struggling a bit with this week’s Archetype and Tarot wisdom, which comes to us from The Virgin and Strength (you can read the post here). The gist of the message is to practice a willingness to return to innocence. It’s about beginner’s mind and the vulnerability that goes along with that. Conceptually, I understand the value in it, but putting it into practice is a different matter.
It made me think of something that happened a few weeks back. I had come across a quote from a book called “Good Morning, I love you” by Shauna Shapiro. This was the quote:
“Find a baby photo of yourself and take a few moments to connect with the innocence and inherent goodness of this being - remembering that this special someone is you.”
I thought it sounded like a super sweet exercise, so I dug up a baby photo. This is the one I found:
The mouth breather in the stroller—the one with the dazed look—is me.
I looked into the photo. Just as the exercise suggested, I intended to connect to this being’s goodness, remembering that this being is me. As I stared at this baby, however, I didn’t feel connected to goodness. In fact, I began to cry. All I could feel was soul-crushing guilt. I saw this untarnished, vulnerable baby and could only think of how sorry I was for the many choices I’d make that would put that baby through hell.
I cried for all the times I’d allow other people to mistreat her too. And for how challenging it is to be so fucking sensitive. I wanted to tell her that she was hardwired to receive a ton of input; and that all the curiosity and wonder and questioning and deep feeling would take its toll on her nervous system. She ought to do what she can to shore up that nervous system now. I wanted to warn her and shield her from all of it. I wanted to cover her in a suit of armor.
I put the picture away.
Given this week’s Archetype and Tarot reading, I wondered if I could try the exercise again, this time remembering the call to return to innocence.
I looked at the baby picture again. A return to innocence.
This time I did see it a little differently. For a moment, I could see that this baby was not in need of my counsel and protection. Nope. She was, in fact, my teacher. She reminded me that she is the one who chose to come here, to have this lifetime of experiences. Her slack-jawed, wide-eyed look of wondering and eternal curiosity is her entire reason for being.
The moment faded, though, as I thought of more than a few experiences I still wished to spare her.
A return to innocence—a beginner’s mind—means that we set down expectations and preconceived ideas. We release the protections we’ve put in place from past experiences. It takes forgetting every poor choice, every hurt and trauma and lie. Forgetting might not be the right word. It takes a removing of jadedness and heaviness. It takes the willingness, the availability, to learn something all over again.
Is this always a good idea?
As I thought about it, I realized that there’s a knife’s edge between beginner’s mind and putting ourselves in harm’s way; between common sense and cynicism. How do we walk that edge?
This time, I turned to my guides for support, asking: what do I most need to know about returning to innocence? As often happens, my guides led me to a book. In this case it was “How to Bless the New Moon: The Priestess Paths Cycle and Other Poems” by Rachel Kann. I randomly flipped through the book and when I stopped, this was the poem I landed on:
Na’arah/Maiden by Rachel Kann
She, who is fearless, who walks out of the wilderness feral-shouldered and unbroken,
who is the luscious and undulating ocean into which all tributaries flow,
who brazen-blooms firm-petaled like ruby plumeria,
who is immune, shielded by the perfumed forcefield:
lure of purring tiare; tempt of vespertine brugmansia,
who is a downright rhinestone constellation in a black-velvet-jungle sky, a millefleur satin-pink-pocketed concealment,
who has forget-me-nots darned into the lining of her garment by the celestial seamstress herself,
who is the very mystery we are discussing, and the veil,
the leap and the faith,
who dances rather than collapses when words fail her,
who is celebrated for this decision by the ancestors,
who is teeming with angels awaiting her every invocation, if ever she might make one,
who has a standing invitation to climb onto the lap of the infinite, enumerate her wishes like grains of sand, like stars, like dark matter, like the embodied waking-dream-state of actual creation,
who is the round and unending melody, the bottomless font,
who is sovereign, who is daughter
And who—who among us—is unbegotten?
Not one, not one of us is not thus loved (like a righteous sunrise), into existence.
Now THAT is a proper return to innocence.
I looked at the picture one more time. Now I could see clearly. I did not see a fragile, endangered baby in need of my jaded protection. That being in the stroller is the very Source of who I am and she is surrounded by legions of beings whose sole intent is to love and protect her.
I now see that I need to strip off my armor of cynicism and return to her every now and again. Together, she and I know that it is Wisdom (and not armor) that shows the way between innocence and foolishness. We let the remembrance of what we have learned from experience be the open door through which we step into the new, knowing we are held by the Universe itself.
She becomes me and I become her. We are each other’s horizon. This is a necessary part of the cycle of life. Just like the Maiden in Rachel Kann’s poem, we can only experience the possibility of deep connection with everything in the living world when we allow ourselves to be new and open to it.
It’s not always easy and I will need reminding to put down my armor from time to time.
I would LOVE to hear from all of you about your thoughts on this. Try the exercise of looking at a baby picture of yourself. Really look at it and allow the feelings to come up. Is this a challenge for you? How do you walk the edge between beginner’s mind and protecting yourself?
🌛 REMINDER: Our Group ritual on Identity and Magic is on September 27 at 6:00 p.m. MDT 🌜
This will be an informal gathering to be in community together and discuss our ideas about identity and magic, along with a guided a journey. I am so excited to be together with you all!
The zoom link to attend is below 🤗
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/83975349033?pwd=BKb0f2ENhtvZmDkWakWprUf5wMsDvJ.1
If you want to learn more about the Maiden (and the other THREE feminine archetypes), this article by
is outstanding!
Love this post, and especially this! "I now see that I need to strip off my armor of cynicism and return to her every now and again. Together, she and I know that it is Wisdom (and not armor) that shows the way between innocence and foolishness. We let the remembrance of what we have learned from experience be the open door through which we step into the new, knowing we are held by the Universe itself."
Wow Jenna, there is so much to take away from this. I completely get the idea of seeing through the eyes of a child who has not yet been influenced by the world around them. It's this that can open up endless possibilities to us. As a child we do not question if we are protected, we know no difference. We have to trust that we will be held and guided. And so it is now that we become childlike again.