Hello beautiful readers! For many years, I was a spiritual healer of sorts, seeing clients on a one-on-one basis. A phrase that I heard uttered over and over again was, “I don’t want to feel this way.” This can be so true, right? We can get very tired of feeling some particular way and yet feel powerless to do anything about it. Given that, I developed a tool to help my clients move from one feeling state into another.
While this method isn’t necessarily groundbreaking, both my clients and I have found its gentle. straightforward structure to be quite beneficial. It may not suit everyone, but in case it can be helpful to any of you, I’m really excited to share it now.
(Important caveat: This is not a substitute for professional help, nor is it meant to be used in crisis or emergency situations. As always, please practice loving self-kindness as you move through these steps.)
The AND™️ Method
Step One: Accept
Feelings are gifts. They are one of the most powerful ways we experience Presence. If we experience a feeling, there is some part of us that wants to feel it. Still, we have a tendency to resist those feelings we might not prefer.
We seem to have an underlying fear that by accepting something we don’t prefer, it will make it worse. Or make it permanent. Perhaps we believe that if we accept it, we give it permission to happen again and again.
The thing is, accepting something doesn’t mean we have to like it. We can accept it and want to change it. In fact, acceptance is the first necessary step in making a change.
This holds true for changing what we’re feeling. We must begin by accepting whatever it is we’re feeling right now. And we know we’ve accepted our current feeling state when we’re not afraid to focus on it.
Once we’ve accepted what we’re feeling right now, it’s helpful to declare it aloud. “I feel anxious and I accept it.” “I feel angry and I accept it.” “I feel unfulfilled and I accept it.” Whatever it is, let’s receive it willingly and accept it.
(Don’t skip this step however great the temptation might be. Just as importantly, don't get stuck here. When you've accepted where you are now, move on to the next step.)
Step Two: Name
The next step is for us to get really clear and name how we would prefer to feel. Ask yourself: “How do I want to feel in this moment?” and be as specific as you can with the answer. Try not to simply answer, “I want to feel good.” Of course we want to feel good, but specificity is the key to this step.
Maybe what we most want to feel right now is:
Giddy
Productive
Rested
Replete
Purposeful
Carefree
Delighted
Here is a link to page with more feeling words that I particularly like.
What feeling words really resonate with you? This is the time to get focused and clear because this is the fulcrum of healing. Defining your desired feeling really is the tipping point on the path to fulfillment.
Step Three: Do
Because our lives happen within the fundamental belief of time and space, change occurs through action. In other words, an action must take place in order for change to happen (which is pretty much the basis of witchcraft, right?).
So now that we’ve accepted how we feel, and named how we want to feel, we can ask ourselves this question:
“What can I do right now to feel the way I want to feel?”
Doing does not have to be a big, overt thing. Changing a thought is as much an action as running a marathon. This is about doing something within our current circumstances and capacity to feel the way we want to feel.
For example, if the feeling we named in step two was “prosperous,” we don’t need to wait until we’ve won the lottery to feel that way. What can we do right now? Take a luxurious bubble bath? Pay a bill before the due date? Cash in the change we’ve been collecting in the car?
Likewise, if we’re under the weather and yet the feeling we named in step two was “enthusiastic,” we probably don’t want to generate that feeling by having a dance party. What can we do instead to generate enthusiasm while respecting the current capacity of our bodies? Listen to an audiobook on a subject that gets our juices flowing? Mindfully create the most magnificent cup of tea ever?
Whatever action we take—whether it’s big or little—to feel the way we want to feel will help put our energy in alignment with that feeling. The more we practice this, the more we can experience some sovereignty in the way we respond to life.
Let me know if the AND Method is helpful to you. I’d love to discuss it! Reply to this email or leave a comment below to get in touch.
Blessings and love to each of you,
This is wonderful, Jenna - these sorts of little mantras are so helpful because they are easy to remember when we are at our most frazzled!
Jenna I love this method, Accept, Name & Do. I also agree "I don’t want to feel this way,” is one of the biggest stumbling blocks. Maybe even the biggest. For it is a rejection of the moment. A refusal to be with the is-ness that is here, the reality of what is occurring. And then I fall into this too. Very humbling indeed. Acceptance is so powerful!